Galeria Quetzalli
this website is as much about the people i love, as it is about me. specially my daughter, Celeste Quetzalli, alias la "tete." today we went to the Sherwood park. walking (my car broke down). i took the camera and took some pictures. she's growing up so fast. really, even i that i see her everyday notice it. sometimes i'm afraid that something bad will happen to her, i know that is a stupid thought to have. i guess i love her so dearly, so much i want to envelop her with love and protection. i once got a card with a man walking, a see through image of a bear cover the man walking on the snow. i wish i could be that bear-spirit to my dauther. protect her above, below and all around. here are the pictures
break down
this week i have had quite a number of breakdowns. my car, my spirit, my dad, my pocket.
my dad was sick again from too much drinking and also from his face. half his face got paralized. some people have told me that this kind of thing is not serious and that it goes away. professor Arteaga and my uncle both have gotten it.
i must confess that my trip to mexicali was really frustrating. i had no money to go, but since my tia told me that my dad was really sick from drinking and with terrible headaches, i kept worrying. i even pictured my dad dead. so i went. paid the gas with my credit card.
when i got there, my jefe was actually alright. he had seen the doctor and been disintoxicated. but no one told me this. i was pissed, but didn't say anything. didn't call my tia either.
the annoying thing about hanging out with my dad, is that he sayst the dumber things. i just don't have patience for him. he blames the whole world for his problems (alcoholism, poverty, being away from us, unemployment, etc) but takes no responsibility for anything he does. i know that his problems have a lot to do with society/politics/the economy, but he also has responsibility. at least for being a sorry ass father, grandfather, and husband.
he first told me to take him to san diego. to a mission that would supply medical care, food and shelter. but he changed the plan every two hours. we bought a california map and he kept pointing to places. madera, san luis obispo. finally he wanted to come to salinas with me. i certainly did not wanted him with me. i have a family, plus school. i cannot take care of him. (by the way, my dad's sister like to read my email, that's cool. if she's reading, gracias por toda la ayuda. but please, don't you ever print my journals again, underline my negative comments towards my dad, and then give them to him. i don't care whether he has a good impression of me or not, but it can't be good for his health).
it was about 11am, we were approaching San Bernandino when my car broke down. the transmission. shit, about 3000 dlls. it was my fault. i feel embarrass to say, but i thought that the oil leak was motor oil. so i kept putting motor oil, suprise at it being overfilled. i didn't know you have to check the transmission fluid with the motor running, otherwise, you are mislead into thinking that it has enough. the thing is that the transmission ran out of fluid, something broke in there, whatever fluid was left gushed out, and the shit broke.
y para acabarla de joder, i had a little puppy with me, (bitch) and i couldn't take her with me on the greyhound. i was really stress. i kept thinking, i don't have enought money for rent, for my car payment, creditcard bills, etc. and i get pay until the tenth (this happened on the 2nd). shit f..k, f..k, que xingados voy a hacer. and then i have my dad saying, "don't stress too much about things, i don't myself. let's go eat, will think better on an empty stomach." hay, mas coraje me daba. then he just wanted me to abandon the dog, which i had already told Tete i was bringing to her. and i just couldn't do it. i had found the puppy in mexicali (might have been a neighboor). it was around 5 am, i was loading my stuff. the dog showed up next to me, very friendly bitch. i looked around. no one. i though, this puppy is going to get runover, maybe is lost, no collard, it has gum stuck to her, hmmm. i'll take her. and so i did. mexicali is full of homeless dogs.
there was even a point when i told my dad to shut up. i couldn't stand him. i know he felt bad, but i seriously wanted to cry. not because of the car breakdown, but because i have no money. i had to borrow money from my mom. i owe her 900 dlls now. bueno, why cry about it now. i kept thinking about my responsibilities as a husband and father. my dad even said, i admire you for being a good father. didn't sound good on him.
i found a nice lady to take care of the puppy until i go back and pick her up, and my van. gave the lady some money.
my dad changed his mind about staying in salinas. i think he got the point that i din't wanted him with me. he's too weak. i don't wanted drunk around my daughter. he went to san jose and i haven't heard from him. hope he is okay. he only had 20 buck or so, but he's been like this before. he finds a shelter and then starts working. i just hope that he didn't start drinking. i know i sound like a bad son, but i don't feel like explaining my reasons now, i did that already.
the light is starting to break through the wall....
drink and be happy
tin
another Bushism/ Bushian Slip
This is all very sad to me. not that the president is stupid, that's no secret, but that we really don't have from where to choose a good president (not that the common person really does any of the choosing). i'm not voting for kerry or for bush, maybe i'll vote green.
here's something i got in an email:
"IN BRIEF / AND FINALLY ...
'Innovative, Resourceful' -- and Quotable
From Times Staff and Wire Reports
August 6, 2004
President Bush offered up a new entry for the catalog of "Bushisms" at the
signing ceremony for a Defense spending bill in Washington.
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said.
"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our
people, and neither do we."
White House spokesman Scott McClellan said Bush's misstatement "just shows
even the most straightforward and plain-spoken people misspeak."
'Innovative, Resourceful' -- and Quotable
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mexicanos like to wave their flag, much in the same way that proud u.s. citizens like to wave theirs. i've seen cars plastered with the u.s. flag and even with the image of g.w., and it's all fine as long as people don't start trying to knock down each other's national symbol. in a Colorado High School, a Mexican flag (hanging next to a US flag) was taken down cuz it irritated some fools. like its wrong to hang flags in a classroom, even when the majority of the student population is mexican or latino. 
I'm tired of this super patriot=anti-immigrant caca. check this out:
The News reported Friday that the new guidelines are still being written, but that they would protect the display of flags but require any such display to be related to the curriculum."