8/13/2002

I feel like writing a book right now. I'm just so glad to be alive. Life is beautiful como dice la pelicula. Even when things seem bad, there are always those little beautiful things that brighten up your day/night.

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Although I been having some personal problems with my life and marriage, everything seems good now. Que bueno. So there's no shame in putting it out there, since I know everything's gonna be okay.

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Alejandra and Quetzalli are in Salinas with the suegros. I miss my beba and my baby so much. I wish they were here to give Quetza un big abrazote and Ale un besote (and maybe more!)

I wish I had more time to write, tengo ganas de escribir y escribir. Después de un largo rato de tener la inspiración, or how i used to call it, "lo azul" in sleep mode. I'm ready to color my life with palabras.

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I know I go really fast on my thoughts, so I'll slow down right now and put some footnotes to my narrative.

"Life is Beautiful" is a xingón film about a Jewish family that was taken to an intermit/interment camp during WWII. The plot revolves around the father's struggle to survive and safe his little boy. Even though there's a lot of despair around them, the father manages to maintain his humanity and keep his son happy. He makes the boy believe that they are in the camp because they have entered a game to win a real military tank. The boy is just anxious to win.

There are a couple of real moving moments that I just couldn't hold it and cried. Lagrima tras lagrima. But then again, I even felt like crying when I watched lilo and stich. By the way, that was the first time we took quetzalli to the theater.

"Lo azul" is a metaphor for poetry/ for inspiration itself. I got these while learning about poets like Ruben Dario and Vicente Huidobro. Check them out when ever you get a chance.

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Today I smoked my first whole cigarette. I rolled it up my self with organic tobacco. i decided to boy organic additive-free tobacco because i considered a spiritual plant, or at least, a plant that helps you get attune with prayer. i learned this by seeing people i know do it this way. I know that you are not supposed to lie when you smoke tobacco with someone. i still have a lot to learn. i'm just trying to find my way of doing things without having to follow and institutionalized religion.

tobacco burns your sinuses and makes you cough, well, at least it does to me. i guess because i don't have much practice. i don't want to smoke often, actually, i just want to burn it. inhale a couple of times, then let it burn on its own. like incense. i also burn sage and chamomile.

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the semester is just around la esquina and i can't wait to start classes. i'm still not sure about what classes i'm going to take. i wanted to take one on xicana feminist writings, and the other one a creative writing class with alfred arteaga. maybe do poetry for the people again, that is, if they allow me to do independent credit. (como extraño a June).

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there's one passage that i really like about octavio paz (i don't really like him, but i do like some of his work), he talks about how we must read and read the news, "incharnos la lengua" en las noticias, quemarnos las pestañas en los periodicos. basically, we must make the commitment to keep ourselves informed about what's going on in the world, whether the news are good or bad. so that we may be forced to act.

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how can we write and talk about freedom and justice, while we don't do anything to make them a concrete reality in our lives and the lives of others?

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ya pronto biene el otoño. los arboles se visten de rojo, la tierra vuelve a la tierra.